When Your
Parent Dies
Here are some
tips that may help you and the rest of the family recover from the death of your parents.
1.
Resist the temptation to dismiss
their death as "timely" or "inevitable". While this is one
way to rationalize the loss, it doesn't touch your emotions. You have
experienced a significant loss and you need to take time to grieve. The
majority of people whose parents die are employed full time. A three-day
bereavement leave isn't enough time to deal with this loss. Be aware of the
need to adjust your personal schedule to take time to grieve.
2.
Work at keeping the lines of communication
open between you and your siblings. They understand more than anyone what your
loss entails. Remember each member of the family has a personal loss and each
will mourn the death of your parent for different reasons and in different
ways.
3.
Find one or two close friends with
whom you can talk. People often say, "My friends don't want to hear about
this!" All your friends won't, but ask one or two for permission to use
them as sounding boards. There are also professionals you may call on: your
doctor, your clergy, a counsellor or your funeral director.
4.
Do something to memorialize your
parent. This could be a donation to a favourite charity. It could be a memorial
in your family church. If possible you may want to create a permanent memorial
at his or her college or university. Perhaps you would like to plant a tree in
memory of your parent.
5.
Draw on the resources of your faith
to sustain you. How does your faith or spirituality address the issue of dying?
How does it help you make sense of life? Does it help you answer your
questions?
6.
Although your parent is physically
dead, he or she will continue to live through you. The values your parent gave
you will affect you - for better or worse - for the rest of your life. Take
what is good from them and incorporate it more fully into your life and be
thankful for the good you received.
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